rant of the week: THE LABRADOODLE

Oh how i hate labradoodles. i really, really hate them.

i hate them with a passion akin to robert pattinson's hatred of the hairbrush or karen ignagni's hatred of single payer health care.

yes, we are talking serious hatred.

i know i may be offending some people by saying this, but honestly: why would you ever think it was a good idea to create a dog that is a cross between one of the the dumbest dog breeds (labrador retriever) and one of the meanest dog breeds (standard poodle)? the result is neither intelligent nor cute. in fact, it basically looks like a lab that accidently electrocuted itself and ended up with fur like an old lady's over-processed perm.

and can we talk for a minute about the word "labradoodle"?* i can only imagine that the first breeders were like, "hey, here's a dog that is dumb and ugly. to add insult to injury, let's give it a TERRIBLE, CRINGE-INDUCING NAME." seriously, i get embarrassed just saying the word "labradoodle". it reminds me of when i was growing up and my sister and i would go to friendly's restaurant. i swear they deliberately named their menu items just to see if they could get people to say them out loud. i still have nightmares about having to order the "chicken lickin' platter" or the "grilled cheese please platter" while the servers would stand there smirking at me.

but i digress. back to labradoodles: i have to admit i was a little hesitant to write a whole post about this, particularly as a few close friends have professed their love for this terrible mutt. but ultimately i felt i could not protect my friends from the irrefutable truth: that labradoodles are an abomination.

moreover, i was recently vindicated when a quick internet search turned up this gem. it's an article about how even the labradoodle's creator hates labradoodles. here is an excerpt:

"But now when people ask me, `Did you breed the first one', I have to say, `Yes, I did, but it's not something I'm proud of'," Mr Conran said. "I wish I could turn the clock back."

ha! i think this case is officially closed.


*(granted, there are equally poorly named poodle mixes, such as the "cockapoo" and "spoodle" - and don't get me wrong, these names also make me want to kill myself - but because the labradoodle was among the first of the poodle cross breeds and is probably one of the most widely-known, i have chosen it as the focus of today's diatribe)