things that are hilarious (to everyone except for me): classic ERA moments

 

The other night i was video skyping with my parents when out of the corner of my eye i saw something move. i looked over at my desk lamp only to see the giant outline of a cockroach darkening the lampshade like some kind of sinister shadow puppet. i like to pretend (at least in front of others) that i am not actually squeamish about bugs, and i'm not that squeamish around a lot of bugs... but when it's a giant cockroach the size of a silver dollar, crawling in a lamp that is less than a foot from me, i guess i tend to freak out a little bit. not to mention that when this sort of thing happens i'm usually all alone - one of the many benefits of living without a roommate is not having an eyewitness to some of your personal humiliations - but this time, thanks to the wonders of modern technology, my parents were there to view a live feed of me freaking the shit out. which essentially went like this: 

"...so then yesterday i went int- Eiiieeieeeeeeeeeeeiieeeeeiiiieeeee! ohmygodwhatthefuckisthatholyshitthat'sdisgustingwhatdoidowhatdoidowhatdoido?!?" 

then they watched as i ran back and forth across the screen, at first just in pure panic mode, then getting a wad of paper towels and trying to smoosh the giant cockroach, only for it to survive the attempted smooshing and scurry across the desk until i bashed it again and again, and then they saw me running with the gooey roach wadded up in the paper towel all the way to the toilet so that i could flush it away forever (all while still shrieking "eiiiieeeeeeeeeiiiiiieeeeeee!!!!!"). 

naturally, my parents were DYING with laughter this entire time (i think i may have even spotted hilarity-induced tears streaming out of my mom's eyes), meanwhile my heart was pounding and i was more than a little humiliated. dude. it's one thing to do this when you're all alone, but to have an audience to such a freak out is just THE BEST. thank god it was only my parents that witnessed it, given that they already know what a totally insane flail i am.

and now, of course, every time i pee i have this irrational fear that the flushed roach will crawl up out of the toilet and bite my butt. 

classic.