maybe someday this will be funny (if i don't kill myself before then):

I am 29 years old and living in total filth and squalor. and to think, i expected the worst part would be the bees (backyard beehives+being accident prone = potential disaster).

yes, i used to think i was a bit "messy". i also used to think i was fairly laid back when it came to cleanliness, compared with your average person. but over the past 4 weeks i have discovered that there is an entirely different level of disgusting that i had never before experienced. you would not believe me if i described in detail the state of the showers, the kitchen, the basement, etc. suffice it to say, there is a layer of grunge on everything that i have scientifically determined - based on the distinctive and pungent odor permeating the house - could only consist of some sort of heretofore unknown combination of dirt, rotten food, toe jam, human hair, spider webs, and mold. the refrigerator smells worse than a high school biology class on fetal pig dissection day. the dish towels are crusty and i don't know why. mold and mildew cover 80 percent of the showers. the sinks are clogged with some horrifying unidentifiable substance that even extra strength drain-o cannot destroy.

anyone who has managed to live in this house for over a year without dying of the black plague and other diseases must have built up some sort of super-resistance to bacteria by now. in fact, they should probably be studied by the CDC.

i would like to make it clear that i don't hate hippies. in fact, i grew up in a very hippy friendly town and i myself exhibited several hippy tendencies as a teen. and let me also state for the record that i am all for organic cleaning products... AS LONG AS YOU USE THEM. basically this place and the people that have (up to this point) lived here really have worked hard to put the 'dirty' in 'dirty hippy'.

as if all of this were not bad enough, i have recently been informed that the dryer is out of order because it will either explode or start a fire if used and the upstairs stall shower has a massive leak that may or may not cause the bathroom floor to collapse.

so, please, bear this all in mind as you read the following:
on Monday morning i woke up to find a note prominently displayed on the kitchen table from the 20-something owner (and part time inhabitant ofthis shithole house) reprimanding all of us because someone DARED to bring a wooden stool into the kitchen without placing felt pads (!) on the bottomof the legs. the note filled an entire 8x11 piece of paper, and was written in bold, bubbly green marker. the last line was classic: "i don't want the beautiful wood floors to get scratched".

@#%$^*&%(@%($##@! are you fucking kidding me?

you are worried about scratching the fucking floors and THE ENTIRE HOUSE IS A BIOHAZARD???

and these are the floors you are so worried about preserving?!:

FML.