how to survive in a school of public health

I'm now in the 4th year of my PhD, and i've learned some things over the years (ok, very few things, but still). i thought i would share what little wisdom i have acquired with any prospective public health students out there. thus, i present to you:

A few tips for surviving in a school of public health

1. Never ask an international health professor if people from Bhutan are called Booties. 
2. Never ask an epidemiology professor if they want a bite of your egg salad sandwich (just trust me on this one). 
3. When a biostatistician starts talking about "shrinkage" it's best not to laugh. for some reason they never seem to understand why it's funny. 
4. Don't let a food safety expert tell you the joke about crunchy versus smooth peanut butter, especially if you ever intend to eat peanut butter again (hint: that crunch sure ain't peanuts...) 
5. Don't ask a health policy professor if they've ever googled "santorum" (even though they probably have).* 
6. Never refer to a person studying diarrheal disease as a Poo-hD. for some reason they seem to prefer P.h.Doodoo. it's quite childish, really.

*True story: a health policy professor once asked me if i knew what the definition of "santorum" was. it was an uncomfortable moment.... mostly because i answered "OF COURSE i do!"